Marina and Pearl's band Off the Hook performing at Splatfest Credit: NINTENDO, SPLATOON 2 Hello, friends. I am here to a) ruin your innocent, childlike entertainment and b) reveal the truth about the secret sexuality of Nintendo's popular, "kid-friendly" game that recently released on Switch, Splatoon 2. To those with less perverse minds (or -- ahem -- those less well-versed in Freudian symbolism)