Making Postgres 42,000x slower because I am unemployed

Everyone is always wondering how to make Postgres faster, more efficient, etc, but nobody ever thinks about how to make Postgres slower. Now, of course, most of those people are being paid to focus on speed, but I am not (although, if you wanted to change that, let me know). As I was writing a slightly more useful guide, I decided someone needed to try to create a Postgres configuration optimized